DQE Seal

Department of Questionable Engineering

DQE • doqe.org
Home › Pipelines

Active Pipelines

Six GitLab CI pipelines in continuous operation. Each is technically functional. Net business value ranges from zero to negative. YAML files available for download and deployment.

Pipeline Registry — 6 Active

The Null Transform

INPUT ──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──[λ]──► OUTPUT

Twelve sequential jobs. No transformation is applied at any stage. Output is guaranteed to be identical to input. Cost per run: $0.002.

12 stages 340ms avg 0 net effect DQE-PIPE-001
↓ null-transform.yml

The Affirmation Pipeline

INPUT(any) ──[EVAL]──► true

Accepts any boolean value. Returns true regardless of input. Documented internally as a "morale infrastructure service." Never fails.

1 stage 8ms avg 100% pass rate DQE-PIPE-002
↓ affirmation.yml

The Circular Reference

S1 ──► S2 ──► S3 ──► S4 ──► S5 ──► S6 ──► S7 ──► S1

Output of Stage 7 triggers a new run of Stage 1. Has been running continuously since March 2023. No exit condition has been identified or sought. GitLab will try to stop it.

7 stages no exit running since 2023 DQE-PIPE-003
↓ circular-reference.yml

The Bureaucratic Relay

ORIGIN ──► A ──► B ──► C ──► D ──► E ──► F ──► G ──► ORIGIN

Routes your payload through seven independent jobs. Each receives the payload, logs receipt, and forwards it unchanged. Final destination: the first job.

7 hops 12ms avg 0 transformations DQE-PIPE-004
↓ bureaucratic-relay.yml

The Confidence Booster

INPUT ──[× 1.0]──[LOG "SUCCESS"]──[VALIDATE]──► OUTPUT

Multiplies any numeric input by exactly 1.0. Logs "TRANSFORMATION COMPLETE." Runs a validation step to confirm the result equals the input. It does. Every time.

3 stages 2ms avg 99.9% uptime DQE-PIPE-005
↓ confidence-booster.yml

The Entropy Engine

JSON ──[SORT KEYS α→z]──[VALIDATE SORT]──► SAME JSON

Receives JSON objects with unsorted keys. Alphabetizes them. Validates the alphabetization. Returns the same data with sorted keys. Referred to internally as "normalization." 2.3M records processed.

2 stages 14ms avg 2.3M records DQE-PIPE-006
↓ entropy-engine.yml

Using These Pipelines

Download any .yml file and add it to your GitLab repository as .gitlab-ci.yml. All pipelines are valid GitLab CI configuration. Results may vary. By "vary" we mean they will always be the same.

Report a Pipeline